Anthrax and Hearts
by hangthesilver
Summary: A Valentine's Day story. What more needs to be said? Involving a bear, a stick, and some kids who want to go to China. O.o Akuroku, AU, fluffiness .


**Title: **Anthrax and Hearts  
**Rating: **T  
**Pairing**- Axel/Roxas. Or is it Roxas/Axel? kekeke  
**Warnings/Notes:** This is a yaoi fic. It has a few sexual stuff implied and some bad words, but nothing too explicit. Also not meant to be Valentine's Day related, but it was the day so I did anyway. /kthnx.

"I think it's kinky."

"Well, I think you're a dumbass," Roxas declared, and pushed the little mallet back toward Axel, his eyes sapphire little holes of tiredness. The can of soda on the table was nearly gone, and so was that god-awful concoction from Starbucks that he'd guzzled earlier, but Roxas's eyes were still slipping shut a little. Axel growled impatiently, shoving the mallet back toward his friend. It was one of those little mallets, the soft little foam ones that you would whack groundhogs with when they popped out of the ground. He'd found it at one of the garage sales in the morning and immediately there sprang into his brain more than one way to use it and they involved some body orifice and he'd gladly turned over the two dollars the kids who wanted to visit China had requested.

He wasn't really sure they were going to China, because they were selling things like sneakers that were missing laces and shoeboxes that had glitter on the sides, and he would have given them more, but they'd taken the two dollars like it was the most money they'd ever seen in the world. Oh well, maybe they could make it to Chinatown. Or well, maybe they could just buy a shovel. In any case, the mallet with the squishy foam head and the cheap piece of rounded wood for the handle had ended up swinging over his shoulder as he'd bounced back home, ready to put it to good use as soon as the chance presented.

It _wasn't_ though, and every little erotic idea he'd been having all day was slowly being squished into nothing more than a puddle. Because Roxas was sitting there, eyes fluttering all butterfly-like, ready to drop into the bed and Axel was _not_ ready for that yet. He'd been waiting like a good little boy all day, he'd even cleaned the bathroom and the walls and the little place behind the refrigerator where he'd found an assortment of little bugs in varying stages of death. He'd borne their bodies rather respectfully to the trashcan, then he took the trash out, and cleaned the actual receptacle, because for some reason Roxas had this stupid affinity for this thing called _curry_, that Axel couldn't stand, because he hated really spicy food—surprise—and when Roxas wasn't looking he would throw it out because it smelled and it splattered all over the place. He'd been waiting for Roxas to take care of the job that was really rightfully his and clean the damn pail, but he'd resisted, and because Axel was a ball of burning hormones, he'd resolutely scrubbed away the puke-colored stains until it shone.

And everything was clean and pretty and goddamn _sparkly,_ and Roxas was still sitting there, ready to drop onto the sparkling clean floor himself, and be damned if Axel let him do that and fucking drool all over the linoleum he'd spent a good hour scrubbing to make it that sparkly. He'd even cooked, not curry, but it's been a pleasant mix of spices and vegetables and some chicken, a goddamn chicken, he didn't even like chicken that much, but Roxas loved it and he'd done something fancy with the-the-the broiler thing that had so much dust he thought it was going to eat him and so he'd cooked that and mashed some potatoes together—with his bare hands, but he wouldn't tell Roxas that, because Roxas always squirmed when he did something god forbid unsanitary—and they'd eaten and Roxas had drank the soda _and_ whatever was in that stupid white cup from Starbucks and he _still_ was sitting there blinking his little lamps like he was going to bed anytime soon.

Axel wasn't the brightest crayon in the box—he was pretty bright in the twelve-pack, but who bought those when you could get a bargain on the gazillion-pack with a fucking _sharpener_—but he was pretty sure that cleaning and cooking, together, flawlessly, on the same day only meant one thing: someone was going to get their brains fucked out tonight. He really didn't have any trouble drawing lines from A to B and as A represented "I cook, I clean, I sex," and B was "You cook, you clean, I bear your mallet-induced sexual advances" he was pretty sure that Roxas could draw lines too. And yet he had the audacity to sit there, yawning, his stupid blue eyes opening and shutting like in those cartoons, where the house blinked once, twice, and then fell asleep for the night, all those little occupants inside nestled and tucked away for dreams. This wasn't a cartoon though, and Roxas obviously wasn't a house, and Axel was no goddamn sleep fairy and if somebody wasn't getting their brains fucked out tonight, then Axel was going to be completely and utterly pissed.

Instead of saying anything to Roxas's very disrespectful comment, he instead got up, grabbed the mallet, walked over to the other side of the table, and smacked Roxas across the face with it. The foam made a small squishing noise, like it was terrified of what was about to happen, but it should have pretty good reason, because those eyelids sprang open and there weren't going to be any dreams tonight, because Roxas was either going to kill him or maim him beyond recognition. Sensing danger in the next few moments, Axel yanked the mallet back and darted out of the kitchen, toward the bedroom. Oh, their downstairs neighbor was so going to be pissed, but it wasn't like Demyx wasn't having wild parties every other night anyway. Axel would complain about the noise; Demyx would complain about being able to hear the bed squeak surprisingly a lot in the middle of the night; Axel would complain about Demyx's gang taking up all the parking spots, even the reserved ones; Demyx would complain about coming out in the middle of the night to find Axel dry humping Roxas against his car and their lives went on and on. Demyx would have two things to complain about in the morning though, their padded feet moving across the floor loudly and the bed squeaking. Well, the bed had best be squeaking by the end of the night.

As he slammed the door open he jumped onto the bed, trying to arrange himself in the most sexually yet awkward position he could think of. He didn't want to make Roxas think he'd planned this, though of course, he had. He furiously moved his limbs, but somehow by the time Roxas appeared in the doorway, all he'd managed was to stretch on his side, one leg up and on his other, like he was trying to open his crotch while looking scared. Which he was very stealthily trying to do, but Roxas didn't even care, because he had jumped on top of Axel the next second.

"You son of a bitch," Roxas growled, trying to take the mallet and bash Axel's brains in with it. "I'm tired you fucking bitch, I had the worst day and all you can think about is UGH," and his sentence trailed off as Axel very accidentally and in no way by fault of his own slipped his hand up across the fly of Roxas's pants and then it slid across the front with a little more pressure.

"What?" Axel held the mallet in a death grip—he didn't want Roxas to have it, he liked it better when he had it. And all his fantasies where Roxas had the mallet ended up with A) his death or B) his coital interruption. He'd take A over B in the current state, but neither option seemed too delightful as he rolled across the bed, onto his stomach, meaning that the arm attached to the hand that Roxas had clamped over the handle of the mallet was caught between Axel's body and the mattress and Roxas was, in essence, trapped there on top of Axel unless he chose to slide off and try to tug his arm out.

Daring to free one hand, Axel twisted his abnormally long arm backward, just long enough, to grab Roxas's ass and squeeze. "Son of a bitch," Roxas swore, except it came out a little whinier and a little less angry now. "Give it to me!"

"I bought it!"

"It cost you two dollars!"

"Fuck off Communist, this is mine!"

And the struggle went on and on, and after a very harrowing ordeal that involved a thud to the floor, the near ripping out of red-fused locks, the mallet from the kids wanting to go to China in the air and the ensuing insanity, and a couple of annoying knocks to the door and Demyx's loud whining voice threatening something about police, Roxas was done fucking Axel up against the wall and they were in the bed, panting. Axel had bruises on his hips; he was going to have a black eye in the morning. The most Roxas was going to have were those cute little bite marks on the insides of his thighs, and maybe a bruise near the corner of his mouth where Axel had been trying to shove the handle of the mallet in, but he'd missed when a hand had tweaked a nipple and that _totally_ had been all Roxas's fault.

After a couple minutes of breathy silence, Roxas said, "You're an idiot. What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Well, I wanted to go to garage sales and you wouldn't go with me, so those little kids with the big eyes and the dinosaurs all suckered me in and the girl tried to give me lemonade but I know you can get anthrax from people you don't know, so I told her no, and then I saw it and I was like, oh my—"

"No, you fucking idiot." There was a pause, and when Axel opened his eyes to glance over, Roxas's face was going red. "When you shoved that thing up my ass."

Axel thought about it for a second before finding Roxas's hand and holding it loosely. "Well, I was thinking about China."

"China."

"Well, see, the kids had this sign and they were really adorable too, your heart would break I'm telling you, break, and it was all "send us to China" fund and so I was a bleeding heart so I had to go you know."

"China."

"Yea, China, and we should go sometime, do a garage sale, sell anthrax lemonade, have a monopoly on the market, you know."

"When you shoved that piece of wood up my ass, you were thinking of China."

"Well, yea. I mean, it was only respectful. It's the reason I got it, you know."

Without another word, Roxas rolled over, away from Axel, head facing the other direction.

"Okay, well China, and like, anthrax."

No noise.

"Cuz you always tell me that people can kill other people with anthrax, like strangers, so I was like, oh wow, I hope Roxas doesn't die if this stick up his ass has anthrax in the handle, because that would like, completely ruin my entire night and I worked hard all day for tonight and it would just suck."

"You are the least romantic person I know."

"Romantic?"

"Axel. It's Valentine's Day, Axel."

"Well duh."

'…. And you got me an anthrax infested mallet."

"Roxas, you're retarded. I cleaned and made you dinner too."

"Axel…."

"Okay fine, I was going to wait until the morning because I wanted to make you wait a whole night without feeling all giggly and special but fine, here." He reached under the bed and pulled out the teddy bear he'd bought at the garage sale next to the kids with the mallet. The garage sale, though, had been run by some slick looking indviduals selling fake things from Mexico and so this one had been packaged up in cellophane and had some candy too, but Axel had eaten the candy because he'd been hyper cleaning up the apartment and after he'd taken out the little bugs, he had really been feeling a little depressed and the bear was way adorable but it was Roxas's, and then again, Roxas didn't really like candy either, and so the little pieces of chocolate had ended up in his stomach, and he'd put some in the potatoes too, just to see what they tasted like, but he hadn't even been able to taste them. Maybe Roxas had. Maybe it was why Roxas was way suddenly upset.

He shoved the bear, oversized, incredibly plush bear in Roxas's face, letting it rest between them. He felt stupid, because he couldn't really afford much else than the bear, and he really didn't think Roxas was going to like it, because Roxas wasn't a big sentimental sap like he was but Axel had thought it too cute to pass up. And it was the same color as his hair, so maybe Roxas would find something endearing in that.

"Open the card," he said, poking Roxas rudely in the stomach. The big red bulk of Chinese-imported material was blocking his view of the blonde hair and the blue eyes, but he saw Roxas grab the little white card and rip it open. There were a few moments of silence as Roxas read the card—it was dark outside, but neither of them had really felt the need to turn off the lights. Apparently not close the blinds either and oh, that might be a bad thing, because the old little granny lady that lived across the way had already complained two times about them having sex with the curtains open and he wondered how many complaints it took to get out. He hoped it took a little bit more, or that the process might take a little bit, because goddamnit, he'd just scrubbed the fucking fuck out of this place and he wanted to enjoy it a little before having to move on. The little granny lady probably enjoyed it anyway, she just didn't like to admit. Personally, Axel really thought that they looked good together, him and Roxas, doing very bad things to each other that most people didn't talk about. And Roxas had a little sexy face when he came, so really, that was worth sticking around for too and man, they should charge, come to think of it.

"_Roxas,_" came the voice from the other side of the bed and Axel started. Immediately he started to blush; he didn't want Roxas reading it out loud, it had been painful enough to write silently. "_Roxas. I bought you this bear because it has my hair color and I know that you like my hair and I think it would be nice to take pictures of you when you're all curling up with the bear because it would be really cute, but I'd be way jealous too, don't get me wrong. Oh, and we should go to China sometime, because I got you this other present too, or well, I guess it's our present and it reminds me of China and it just reminded me that we should go sometime and damn I'm writing a lot. OH, and you owe me five bucks because I had to cook you dinner because it's Valentine's Day and I already went on my share and it's your share now so you either cook next Valentine's Day or cough up five bucks, I'm not joking, I let you slide too much around here and it's not just because you let me touch way inappropriately in public, it's because I really do like you. In fact, I love you. Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Axel." _A pause. "_P.S. I'm serious about the five bucks though, I need gas to get to work tomorrow night. But I love you. Like whoa! INTERNET JOKE ROX! But it's true. I love you way more than you even know. Less than three."_

Axel had steadily been squirming throughout the entire reading and when Roxas read the last few words out loud, he wanted to fall off the bed and dig a big hole in it. He should do it in the kitchen though, because that was all sparkly and shit, and at least he'd have a sparkling gravestone over him for the rest of his rotting life. His face was probably as red as his hair, and probably as red as the bear right beside them, the one he'd put that way rambling card on and wow, just thinking about it made his face grow even hotter. He was mumbling something stupidly, trying to turn away. Okay, well, gift time was over, sex time was also over, and sleep time was now. Maybe more sex time later though.

"Axel."

Roxas's voice was slightly soft, but Axel was still muttering nonsense as he again tried to turn away, but the big soft bear moved away as Roxas pushed it down, so that he could grab Axel's arm and pull him to face the opposite direction. Axel protested, keeping his still very hot and red face determinedly turned away from Roxas's own, but Roxas was persistent and figuring he should just get it done now, he sighed and spun around, ready to take his mocking like a man.

He turned around too fast though, and his forehead knocked against Roxas's and both of them repelled back, Roxas cussing and Axel looking bewildered more than pained. After a few seconds, Roxas stopped rubbing his forehead and glared at him. "Nice going."

"It wasn't my fault!"

"You're so clumsy."

"Am not!"

"Yes you are." Roxas grabbed Axel's face suddenly and pulled him closer and they met properly this time, the kiss long and nearly chaste, mouths opening only slightly and there was no dancing, only the pressure and the heat against one another. Roxas pulled back a little, but only to move closer to Axel, kissing his collarbone and nestling inside the crook that Axel's body made. "You're way clumsy Axel."

"Sure thing," Axel said back, agreeing happily as he rubbed his forehead into Roxas's hair.

"I love you too."

Axel grinned against the locks of hair in his mouth. "You're not getting out of that one. You still owe me five bucks."

"Suck my dick."

"No fair, you still owe me one on that too."

"I let you stick an anthrax laced mallet up my ass. I think we're even."

Axel mulled it over for a second as he brought one hand up to stroke Roxas's head. "Okay, fair enough." A pause. "Then can I borrow five bucks?"

Roxas laughed, turning a little to kiss the underside of Axel's jaw. "I'll give you five bucks. Happy Valentine's Day Axel."

Axel smiled and nuzzled a bit more into the body next to his, that matched his pretty much in all ways. "Happy Valentine's Day, Roxas."


End file.
